I'm 21 and thinking of killing myself. Serious.
I’m a 21 year old American male. I stand around 5’11, and weigh ~ 170 pounds. I alternate between lifting weights and cardiovascular exercise 6-7 days a week. I eat a balanced diet, and supplement with l-arginine akg, ginkgo, horny goat weed,Maca, and a multi. I’ve been doing this for around a month now.
I cannot sustain a decent erection during masturbation or sex, and I can’t even remember the last time I did :(
I also cannot remember the last time I’ve had a nocturnal erection, or woken up anything more than slightly plump. I did the stamp test, and I failed :(
I can’t remember getting a spontaneous erection since I was in middle school. I remember when I was in 7Th grade I was afraid to wear shorts in gym class, but these days I just pray that if I manually stimulate my dick enough I’ll be able to get it hard. If I’m incredibly lucky- my “spontaneous erection” will be a small increase in flaccid hang.
I’m a good looking, intelligent, healthy young man and don’t think, with all the women I’ve been with, that I’ve had one worthwhile sexual encounter. When I penetrate a woman my erection will quickly subside into a weak semi-erection. So small, that I may as well just penetrate her flaccid.
From the time I was about twelve I masturbated religiously with a death grip 5-7 times a day, to the point where my penis was in pain and I’d be able to masturbate to ejaculation in the flaccid state. Since I can remember having wet dreams and spontaneous erections around 8 years ago- I assume that my years of vigorous masturbation may have caused some kind of lasting damage to my penis. After I found this forum, I’ve cut down on masturbation to 2-3 weekly, and use a much lighter grip.
Also, for as long as I can remember I have masturbated in a very peculiar fashion. I masturbate with my right hand stroking my phallus in the conventional manner, but my left thumb rests firmly along the top of my penis and I push the fat pad to the bone.
I had an epiphany today, albeit a very depressing one. I ingested my daily l-arginine, ginko, and the new horny goat weed/maca dietary supplement that I just procured from my local GNC. I then took a hot shower, got dressed, and went into my bedroom to masturbate. Since I’ve slowed down on the self love, began supplementing, and lowered stress levels I’ve had good erections. So I put on a colorful internet film, begin to manipulation myself ( in my normal, peculiar fashion), and achieve a rock hard 7.25” bp erection. .. But I looked down at my penis and wondered what would happen if I were to remove my firmly pressed thumb from the top of it’s base. I decided to do it and there was an INSTANT deflation in my glands and then shaft- as if one were to pin-pop a balloon. From what I’ve read on this forum- this would be indicative of a venous leakage, correct?
This would also explain this it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to masturbate with one hand, and why I cannot have sex with a woman without myself being on top with my thumb pressed firmly on the top of my base. Whenever I put both of my hands on a woman during intercourse there is a near instant deflation to a semi/flaccid state.
If it was not for this forum- I don’t know what I would have done. Am I doomed with the grim reality of living with venous leakage at 21, or are there other possibilities?
Please, anyone with even the smallest thing to add, do so. I have no where else to turn, and if I can’t get this situation sorted than I don’t think I want to continue living.
I’m supposed to be in my sexual prime, why would this happen to me :( x 10