I must be cursed...
About 3 weeks ago, I noticed maybe +-10 very small pimples in my genital area. I tried to squeeze them out, it didn’t work, they did not go away after this. So this morning I went to the doctor to take an STD test and it seems that I have HPV (not HIV ok, HPV). In other words, I have the virus that causes genital warts (ooh, that sounds much worst than it really is).
How unlucky do I have to be I first thought! I’ve only had sex with 7 girls in my whole life, and I’ve always been pretty steady with my sex partners. Well, having HPV is not that uncommon : 50% of sexually active adults have the virus. The part where I am unlucky, is that only 1% of the men who have HPV develop symptoms.
That’s even worst luck than losing my money on the Broncos upsetting the Pats last weekend!
Lol. No, really, it ain’t so bad. The symptoms are nothing but those small warts that are barely noticeable, that don’t cause any pain or itching and that are not contagious (HPV virus itself is highly contagious, but as I wrote, most people who have HPV don’t get any symptoms). So, I don’t have to change my sex life in any ways.
The only thing is that, for aesthetic reasons, I have to get those warts frozen off with liquid nitrogen when they appear. And so that’s what I did this morning. It was quite a funny scene. The doctor I saw was a very nice lady and she had good conversation. So she went to get a little bit of liquid nitrogen in a foam cup. She came back and told me: «You have to help me because the nitrogen is going to evaporate pretty fast. So I’m going to start burning the warts that are on your right side, you hold the cup with one hand, and with the other hand, you pick one of those big Q-tips and you’ll freeze off some warts on the left side.» There were about 15 of those tiny warts to do so it took us a few minutes. This could easily be made into a scene in some kind of disgusting comedy: a doctor and a patient casually chatting while freezing off warts off his dick and balls!
So really, it is not so bad at all. Breakouts are unpredictable, so I can be free of this for weeks, months or years, depending if my luck gets better or not! I might even never breakout again.
Ooh!…to all those who think that there’s nothing like a good cup of coffee to wake you up in the morning, try putting liquid nitrogen on you balls! That would wake up a dead man!