ED from Mentality or Physicality or Something Else?
First of all, I want to say that I am not entirely sure where to post this. I would have posted it in injuries or mens health, but it says I am a new member, but I swear I remember being here for a few years, and posting here and there even a few threads.. Aside from the point.
I’m 25. And I can’t remember the last time that I could actually get a full lasting erection. I don’t know exactly why this is. But I have speculations
My thought used to be that maybe I did PE too hard. I found this site around 17 or 18 on and off throughout the years. And I kinda lazily practiced the routine as per said. But mostly I didn’t pay attention to the number I was doing, I just listened to my body and did my best to do it not so rough (in terms of jelqing and stretches). And when I do do them, I do notice a difference in my penis. Its usually fuller and the results are regular, and my erections can get stronger sometimes. But it never really did so much. I do kegals as well. There are even some days where I do kegals and I am able to give myself a decent halfer. So I am not entirely sure the PE training is to blame. Because when I do the practices, they don’t seem so problematic. I never really get a full hard on until I am getting really close to cumming. This is within PE and with sex.
But I am a homosexual man, so most of the time I am pretty much with man. Basically, ill just go back and forth during sex as being somewhere between 30%-70% hard. I discussed my issues with one of my exes a year or so ago, and he told me I had no problem getting it up. (Which is weird, cause I didn’t find him so attractive) Even during some of my recent relationships with some dudes I found VERY sexy, it just doesn’t do much for my dick. I can still be very into it and very passionate, but my dick just doesn’t work so much. In addition, I have had a LOT of sex with MANY people. Upwards maybe from 200 or so. There are some tiny episodes in my life where I just go crazy and I can’t seem to get enough sex even though it is the opposite of what I want. What I do want is nice normal relationship in which I get to know somebody before hand for a good while before we even kiss. Ya know.. Something really cute. So one of my thoughts is therefore, maybe I am tired with just plain sex and I just want to have a great boyfriend that’s like my best friend.
I did at one point consider women, I used to think I was bi. The only girl I had sex.. Just didn’t really work out. I kind of just went soft right away, now you would think that just makes me gay. But this is animosity begins to become a great thing. The girl before her, a nice girl I knew for a while who wasn’t the prettiest, but nice. We just sucked eachothers faces off at a party at one point, and I was surprised that I actually stood up quite a bit in my pants.. However before this. There was a very weird situation years ago when I was 12. My friend (a boy) started convincing me to suck him off. At first I didn’t like the idea. But I kinda got used to it, and started liking it. But here is where it gets weird (and please deal with this maturely, its not a pleasant subject for me to type here, and I don’t want to type it, but I feel it may be connected). His little sister at the age of 8 took me into her closet and told me she wanted to tell me something away from her sisters and brother. She ended up kissing me and started to touch me. I just got so paralyzed and tried to push her away. And she went down on me. I don’t actively think about this a lot anymore, I still can’t entirely forgive myself. But I am much better than I was.
My living situation currently is not entirely the healthiest. I am a smoker (working actively on quitting). I am beginning to eat much better than I used to. I am starting to work out (again) as well cardio and weights. I am also an immigrant to Israel. So I am dealing with a whole bunch of immigration issues that are giving me not so normal of a life. I just served in military and was recently freed, and I am about to move out of barracks into an apartment in a few weeks. And I’ll be going back to school for something. I guess I am not unhealthy in the traditional sense, but more in the sense that I don’t feel very acclimated all of the way. The most unhealthy thing that I did was probably a lot of masturbating. (In terms of the ED) maybe from 1 to a few times a day. Sometimes missing a day or too. But my erections still remain about the same about 40%-80% I’d say when I beat it.
Last issue. Before I left to Israel, I had a boyfriend who felt pretty serious. It was a short relationship, but it was a huge spark. I mean.. The guy was a little chubby and stuff, but oh my god. The first day I met him (met online) in person. I sat next to him in his car and we both just got boners from looking at each other. I don’t remember entirely that I was full hard when we were having sex or not because I never really paid attention. We would even talk about what we want for family. Before I left to Israel, he told me he wanted to marry me. I thought at the beginning I could do it, but I ended up getting scared cause I knew I was leaving the country and it ended up ruining our relationship. Two years pass. And I hear from his brother that he drank himself to death. I have to say while I had moved on from the whole situation, I had dated other people, and at one point (and still now), I am crazy in love with someone that I haven’t been able to out my emotions to (met him about a year ago a year and a half ago). But when I heard this news of my ex would be finacee.. I just crashed in a spiral of depression (which was attributed by MANY other topics; maybe related, but I want to shorten this up). I have picked myself up and dusted myself off. So I am better.
I just can’t understand it, a majority of the guys I sleep with or date.. They are harder than rock. And I feel like I am insulting them, and I am constantly reminded of being inferior as a man cause I can’t make stand my penis. Even if I am with someone I maybe don’t know so well.. I should still have the natural reaction of a hard penis. It’s gotten to a point where I feel like sex is just.. Not for me.. Or I’m some form of A sexual. Maybe I don’t have a sexual preference. I don’t know.. I still have feelings for man though .I just need advice on.. What can I do? I want to be able to show a man who wants me or loves me that I am just as much as a man as he is.
And.. I do need to thank this forum. Through the advice and PE lessons. I am not entirely sure.. But from the times in my life where I have gotten involved with it. I have moved from around 6inchs to about 7 1/2.Thickness.I’m not sure.
But if you read all of this and have any kind of advice or comment.. Thank you in advance. (Please keep it nice and non-homophobic)