I don’t know where to start…
I’m writing in the hope of finding some comfort and assurance that everything is going to be OK. Knowing I can help someone avoid my injury- I don’t know if it’s PE related either - is a consolation for me. This might turn to be a long post, so please bear with me. It might be my last also. Who knows?
I started PE in May or June. The testing phase consisted mostly of jelqing. Then I moved to hanging. I sustained some injuries from hanging mostly discolorations. I always stop all PE activity for few days (until discolorations are gone); then start back again. There was more days spent resting than PEing. My PE routine consisted of 30 min light jelqing morning session and evening hanging (8 lbs) session. Some might say that it’s aggressive hanging 8 lbs as a start, but I had problems with foreskin and wrapping. I was hanging with the weight covering the head, which made the skin carry most of the weight. I finally learned how to wrap properly; it comes with time. I always used the “morning wood” as a sign that I am not overdoing it. As long as I wake up in the morning with an erection, I had a sense of assurance. Boy was I wrong!
The injury is that after ejaculation the semen comes out colored. It is like the normal whitish semen mixed with brownish dots of varying sizes. They can be either dead blood cells or dead semen-I am speculating. I did not realize that I have sustained an injury until late cause I have no physical pain ever. I never masterburated before/after jelqing/hanging. Actually, I never ever masterburated until 2 days ago. That morning I stopped all PE activity hoping everything will go back to normal in a couple of days. Wrong! I am still in the same position. The semen look so weird as if an alien life form took over my body and is trying to reproduce through me. It’s not me any more but semen of a freak of nature. I believe I earned now the title “Le Freak” of Thunder’s Forum. I feel the need to cry.
I don’t know if my injury is PE related or some disease has crept into my body. All that I know is that before PE, I was “normal”. Coincidence? I don’t know. I went to WebMD hoping to find something that can shed a light of hope. I took out the prostate cause I cannot see how PE can damage it inside the body. The other remaining option is damage to the testicles. Hematospermia (blood in the semen): not my case cause the semen is not pink. It is a non-homogenous mixture. Testicular Trauma: possible even though I cannot imagine how hanging can cause trauma to the testicles. The cure usually requires rest and there is no swelling or pain to cause alarm. Testicular Torsion (blood vessels are twisted, not enough blood is reaching the testicles, can kill the testicles): WebMD states it happens to boys between 14 and 18. I am way past that. And if this is what I have, I think I already lost a testicle. I hope it does not get freakier than this. I don’t know if going to WebMD was a good idea. I am devastated. I checked my testicles with my fingers to see how they feel. I found out that one is round (elliptic like an egg) and the other is round but a little flat. Does this mean one is healthy and the other is dead? or one is swollen? I don’t know. I never did test how my testicles feel. I don’t even know if that they were like that all the time. All that I know is I am devastated.
It’s the irony of life. It creates you less than others, and when you try to do something, it strikes back: check mate- you’re dead. It’s like life dwelling on my misery. The more miserable I am, the more flourishing life will be. Life has an issue with me and refuses to settle it once and for all. I have to pay everyday for something I did not do. I know some of you will say stop making your life a Greek tragedy and get back to your senses. I wish it is that easy. I was not doing PE to show off or anything. I just wanted to be normal like everybody else - damn those statistics and the people who collect them. They never knew that numbers do emasculate men. All these people care about is publishing their findings. Damn them all; I hope they burn in hell if there is one. When you try to do something to come close to normal, life is lurking. You don’t even have a chance from the start. I am tired of living………Sometimes I don’t know how am I still going on and how I survived so long; I have no energy left to fight. Hurrah. I lost……I lost big.
That was depressing. Sorry to dump on you guys. I will consider myself lucky if I hear from anyone of you. No body likes a crying baby. Moderator you can delete this post, I understand. I wrote this post when I hit rock bottom and bracing myself for the worst to come.