22 Year Old with Severe Impotence from Improper PE. any advice
(I have less than 30 posts and was told to start my thread and a moderator would move my thread)
NOTE: I am not trying to blame anyone or this site at all for my situation, I am just looking for hope or advice if possible.. I know this story may sound unbelievable but it is 100% true. I am not seeking sympathy, I am looking for a solution if their may be one..
Preface: I never had a sex ed class in my life nor knew anything about morning wood or how the penis worked physically..
I am currently a 22.5 year old male. I have been suffering from extreme impotence since 17.5 with it gradually getting worse and worse over time..
Long story short, at 17.5 I was really depressed, broke up w girl I dated for over a year, had some family issues, and my brother (best friend) moved away.. I always had this upward curve in my penis, and it drove me nuts for some reason. It wasn’t even that bad really. But I seriously had some type of mental condition where I even tried bending it erect at very young age. I had a fairly large erect penis and soon became obsessed with its appearance. Had a few women compliment me and thought I could make it even bigger and more straight. Young, dumb and curious, I searched for ways to fix curves and found one guys post on hanging weights and stumbled across this site Swim Cap Penis Hanger - Step by Step - Classic Site - Tom Hubbard (tom hubbards site). I soon thought hmm I can potentially fix my curvature and make my penis longer and stronger.. Without any knowledge of the dangers or even how the penis worked. I made a hanger out of a thera-band type device and shoelace and maybe rubber bands I can’t remember. I found that whenever I would put anything on my penis it would become semi erect or excited. However I continued hanging weights vertically downward when I was semi-erect and even erect at times. STUPID.. I KNOW.. It was even somewhat extremely painful/uncomfortable. I don’t believe I ever did sets longer than 5-6 minutes sometimes maybe even 3-4. Weight used ranged from 3lbs -5lbs maybe one time even did 10 lbs for very short period (60 seconds) . The problem was the method I was using was a noose type device that put 95% of the pressure on the glans, the bigger problem that I was mixing sexual stimulation with PE.(ERECT/semi ERECT hanging :( ). Also the distribution was never even and my penis sort of always twisted to one side or the other while hanging..
A few occasions I used my finger as a fulcrum and placed it mid way on my shaft as an attempt to fix my curve.. I did these activities for maybe 3-4 weeks on and off.. I hung totally this way less than 35 minutes I believe. I would say I did/attempted it 8-12 times this way (sets ranging from 2-6 minutes) (sometimes I would even masturbate afterwards because of erection.) Paying no attention to signs of injury or how my morning woods vanished. ( I do remember one time noticing a lump in my penis and began freaking out because I came to conclusion it was scar tissue from the fulcrum hanging was attempting) This may have been when I stopped hanging weights.
I went through the senior year of high school and dated one girl about 8 months after I hung weights.
She was allergic to rubber and did not give oral sex. I still could get turned on and have sex but I would only last 1-2 minutes.. I blamed this on sensations of not using condom, and I have been sexually inactive for about 9 months and forgot what my performances used to be.. She always told me I never fucked he hard enough and after about a month (has “sex” maybe 6-9 times) she broke up with me.. I believe it was solely due to my sexual performance but I didn’t realize what was really going on..
Prior to this my sex life was great I would last 10-15 minutes going 3-5 times a day if I could.. No issues with condoms at all or getting turned on.. (Note I am referring to sex before I was 17.5 years old)
After we broke up, I relieved oral from another friend a few times and still was somewhat pleasurable. (Never had sex)
I soon went to college and soon became very depressed because there was almost no females at the school I went too.. Still had no morning erections but I still masturbated with visual aids I believe.8 months into college I purchase another hanging device off ebay sold by www.egobooster2009.com I had forgot about my previous injury as it was not visible to the naked eye. This stupid device was too small and put all of the pressure on the glans. However I continued to hang with this device using a light weight water jug on and off for 3 years with no consistency at all.. For example I would hang in 3-5 minute sets using roughly 3-4 lbs of water in a jug. Total time spent hanging over those three years was less than two hours . I wouldn’t say more than 2 hours distributed over the course of 3 years. How ever I was doing this without and MEDICAL TAPE to PROTECT MY GLANS nor was I on sites like this or PEGYM to see proper techniques and methods. Sometimes I did hang too much weight maybe even 6-7 lbs on a few occasions. One time my penis became erect during hanging and I coulndn’t get the device off and ended up cutting it (the cup) with a knife . My glans was dark purple and discolored and I threw the device out my window and never used it again. That was may of 2012.
Over he past four years I have failed sexually with 5-6 women. Going soft when putting on condom. Loosing my erection during penetration, sometimes not even getting it up at all.. I always blamed this on being nervous, anxiety, or not being attracted. I never knew about injuries or venous leakage or any of the types of ED. I never even though HMM maybe hanging weights is destroying my penis..
After failing with the 5th different woman. I sat in my room and thought what the hell is going on?? I then had flashbacks of me hanging weights erect and began examining my glans and penis and noticed they appeared dead and lifeless.. Then I began replaying the 4 past years in my mind and noticed how my sex drive decreased and how I couldn’t masturbate without visual aids and required constant stimulation, how when receiving oral I wouldn’t feel any sensation, how it was hard to penetrate due to my soft glans, how my penis felt cold, how its physical appearance shrunk and became numb, how I wouldn’t even watch porn any more or get turned on by it, how I wouldn’t get hard when grinding with women anymore at the club, how I would sometimes refuse to hang out with very attractive women.. And put everything together.. I HAD DESTROYED MY PENIS without realizing it.. Sometimes I think I did realize it but my brain kept me from realizing it or I didnt want to believe it.
I went 20 days without sleep and was suicidal twice.. This was in December 2012. Over the next three months I did extensive research on Penis anatomy and injuries, still had very difficult time focusing on anything else in my life. Had too take a few days off work. Even I would sometimes go 3-4 days without sleep. Tried some antidepressants to help me sleep and they didn’t help at all.. I told my parents everything and that was pretty hard to do.. And they questioned why on earth I would do something like that..
I saw four urologists over the past 5 months, 2 were of no help and tried telling me it was mental. One told me my penis appeared numb and lifeless, I told him that’s why I’m here. I had a penile Doppler test done with caveject injection, didn’t even get a third erect. My results were far less than half of a potent male.. My EDV was almost 8 cm/sec.. This doctor tried telling me I had peyronies and I quickly explained to him its not and he agreed and later told me he cannot help me and I may know more than him about whats going on with my penis..
I have came to conclusion I have a “venous leak” possibly multiple and possibly even ruptured or blocked an artery. I saw all the warning on this thread and the other PE thread and that just screwed me up mentally. I have contacted some well known doctors who perform venous stripping, ligation, and embolization and am waiting to hear back from them. I consider risky surgery as a last resort. Currently if I can have a DICC performed and have only a few easy accessible leaks I will consider it an option. I have realized that my sex life will never be the same not even a 20th of what it was pre-trauma. I know this sounds pessimistic and negative but its the truth. I have also done extensive research on hard flaccid and know thats not my #1 cause of impotence.
I have done extensive research on venous embolization, stripping, re-vascular surgery for supply arteries.
Also I went 60 days without masturbation in an attempt to allow penis to heal.. Saw no signs of improvement at all.
I also had all my testosterone and blood levels checked and they were within range.
I am currently experimenting with generic tadalafil from iron dragon and it seems to be helping my morning erections some but still they are extremely weak and flimsy at the base w soft glans. I also failed sexually this past friday after taking a 15mg dose.
Ok enough of my story these are some of the current physical features of my penis and symptoms and I am looking for advice or comments if any.
1. No morning woods, sometimes I wake up with a chubby but my glans doesn’t inflate and its extremely weak at the base.
2. Still have very hard tendons if I have an erection on the dorsal side of my penis, these run all the way from my base near the suspensory ligaments to my glans.
3. My superficial dorsal vein has shrunk in diameter about 4x since trauma injury even when erect.
4. Penis is very soft , gushy, and numb feeling, often twists from side to side , very hard to explain but I do have pictures.
5. Glans is gray/ light purple 70% of the time. I cannot feel any hot or cold when placing an ice cube on it or taking showers and altering water cycles.. (Depressing yes I know)
6. If I have an erection my glans does not inflate at all, it is EXTREMELY DEKERANTIZED. I have tried silicone sheets and emu oil and hasn’t helped yet.
7. I till have that lump of scar tissue on my dorsal cord/septum.
8. If I have an erection my balls become very cold to the touch.
9. If I am masturbate I feel no pleasure and its more of a struggle to keep my penis erect.
10. Gaping urethra and very weak urine stream, often drips after put in my pants.
11. Uneven inflation during erection, it bottle necks in the middle more towards the base.
12. Large veins behind my glans when have erection they wrap around the circumference..
13. Very weak buildup to orgasm/ejaculation, doesn’t even feel pleasurable.
I have many pictures depicting these issues but am not sure if I want to upload them yet. Or how too. I am not looking for sympathy I know this sucks.. I still am not mentally stable with myself.. I am very depressed and mad at myself 70% of the day anymore. My will and motivation to do anything productive is almost zero.
I am looking for advice and or comments if anyone knows of someone with similar issue or injury. You can call me stupid and dumb for doing what I did but I call myself that every morning when I wake up and take a piss. I made a mistake, a serious one at that.
Last edited by mikey88 : 05-16-2013 at .